Paying it Forward...

You know that phrase "in your head?" One thing I've discovered about breast cancer and the ensuing treatments is that you have lots of time to think. Over the past six months I've pondered, reminisced, considered, reckoned, deliberated, and delighted about my life, my experiences, and most of all my relationships. I think of my friends who have delivered meals, taken me to appointments, picked up groceries, come by for a visit, sent cards and e-mails...made me feel more like myself at a time when I can't remember what that is anymore. And I think of my family. they have shared in this experience in such an intimate, and sometimes humorous way. They've allowed me to find my way through this sometimes harrowing experience, all the while being there with a knowing hug and a willing ear.

The other day I was thinking about my first year teaching. It was a small high school for at-risk kids which allowed us to do some interesting things to connect with students. That year we started a program to get kids plugged into their community in new and interesting ways. We started by having all students read the book Pay it Forward. While it's not the most well written novel, the idea behind it is quite intriguing. If I do something for you, don't pay me back...do something meaningful for someone else. It made quite an impact on the lives of many of the kids, if only for a short time.

We can't know how little (and big) gestures can make a significant impact on the lives of people we encounter or learn about. Jim Bruce, a friend and client of my dad's, recently sent my Bruce a book called Breast Cancer Husband. He received the book when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Upon learning of my diagnosis and subsequent treatment, he felt compelled to send it to Bruce. Thank You. I love the fact that Bruce can understand so many of the complicated and intricate medical issues that arise and that he can navigate what he lovingly refers to as the Medical Meat Grinder. But sometimes I just need my husband and this book articulated much of what I felt but didn't know how to say. Thank You. Men like to fix things. They like to know that they can take care of their families. When your wife is diagnosed with breast cancer there is nothing to fix. Sometimes just being there is the most difficult thing of all but its the best thing of all. Bruce is there for me. Not with treatment plans and platitudes but with love and concern and the knowledge that it's okay if he can't fix it. Thank You.

We will hang on to this book until the time comes to pay if forward. Thank you Jim. Thank you.