Hair Diaries

When I was diagnosed last July, the experience was so surreal. After spending a weekend in Bend celebrating my 30th high school reunion, Bruce and I were planning out the rest of our summer. The coast, Mexico, maybe a trip up North to visit my sister. Suddenly everything was put on hold and a jumble of images crowded my thoughts. Various scenes from so many movies and television shows were playing out in my mind...the most notable being Shirley Maclaine's Academy Award winning moment where she pleads for her daughter's comfort. Would that be me in the bed, my mom yelling at some tired nurse? In the course of a couple days I was brought to my knees and my life would never be the same. In short order I discovered there were many side effects to treatment but no way to know which ones I might experience.The only thing I knew for sure was that I would lose my hair and it would break my heart. It felt silly and superficial to be so concerned about my hair at a time when I should have been concerned about my health. But looking back it was a godsend to be worried about something so trivial because the other was too overwhelming. Now that I've tackled chemotherapy and radiation, I'm in a funny place where the trivial and the serious converge. My hair is growing and I'm as happy to have it back as I am to have my cancer gone. Can I say that? It feels vain but after months of looking and  feeling like a sick person it's nice to care about how I look. After chemo, my hair slowly began to grow back. The downy fur on my head went from Nixon's 5 o'clock shadow to Chia Pet in a few weeks time. And as my hair grew, I became more comfortable appearing au natural, leaving my scarves and hats at home. The days and weeks went by and my hair filled in, keeping my head warm and offering an outward sign that the chemo was leaving my body and my healthy self was returning. But the more it grew, the duller and grayer it got. I'm feeling better and I want my hair to reflect my inner glow. I appreciated all the compliments ("your gray looks great!") but when I looked in the mirror I felt old. If asked to describe my virgin locks, Judy Dench (love her but I don't want to look like her, not yet), Paulie Walnuts from Soprano's, and Mitt Romney came to mind and I decided I was in need of a change. We're heading to New York next week and since I can't rely on getting a Today Show makeover I settled for a day at the salon. I got my hair cut. It's short, sassy and styled. And it's blond - reminiscent of Mia Farrow and Twiggy. I'm giving myself permission to indulge in the trivial on occasion as that will allow me to focus on, and overcome, the challenges that lay ahead. I'm in the home stretch and I've got hair! Time to celebrate!  

And speaking of celebrating...we're heading to New York tomorrow. It's a trip we had planned to take last October before life got a little crazy. We'll be seeing a few plays, eating some good grub and taking in the sights. Happy Memorial Day to everyone.It's Fleet Week in New York -- feels fitting to be surrounded by those who serve on a day when we remember those who died doing just that.

At my reunion...fancy free without a clue. What a difference a couple weeks would make.

  

Three days post diagnosis...thank heavens for dear friends!

 

Sister love. Smooth as a cue ball.

Showing off my 5 o'clock shadow two months post chemo and three days post surgery. Looking like GI Jane but the one-handed push-ups will have to wait a bit.

Chia Pet! 3 1/2 months post chemo...my hair ranges from 1/4 to 1/2 inch long. It's oddly black and gray but it's keeping my head warm!

 With Ducks defensive wizard Nick Aliotti at the Women's Football Clinic. Hard to tell from the pic but the sides are almost white while the top is a nice salt & pepper.

Love my pink wig...feeling very Sasha Fierce!

Wig shopping with Wendy and my mom the day before starting chemo. All those heads of hair...a strange out of body experience.

The light is a little odd but you get the idea. We're off to New York tomorrow and I'm feeling stylish for the first time in a long time....I'm back!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday...Happy Birthday Moosh!!...and I got my Herceptin to celebrate. And Taylor is in town for the week so I got to show him the ropes at the Cancer Center and introduce him to all my wonderful nurses. There were so many young people getting treatment in the infusion room. Taylor and I talked and joked and enjoyed the gorgeous sunshine outside but the sight of the kids getting one bag of chemo after another was very sobering. This has been quite the journey...along the way I've become a different person in many ways but I have also been introduced to a world I only knew from afar. And I haven't taken this trip alone. My family and friends have been my stalwart companions...keeping me company, making me laugh and never letting me forget that the world is full of love, compassion and much to be grateful for.

My family is coming to town this weekend for my cousin Ross's wedding...can't wait to see everyone!

Good night all...and in honor of one of my favorites...Let the wild rumpus start!