Today was Bolus Day. Every other day my radiation techs put a large square of fake skin on my chest to assure that my last three doses are delivered at a different depth than the day before. First Renee and Jeff scootch my torso so that my tattoos line up with the lasers coming out of the ceiling, then the machine whirrs overhead and I get my first dose of radiation. Some days I count and it usually lasts about 30 to 35 seconds. This treats my chest wall and the nodes above my clavicle. Then they place a 1cm thick piece of malleable plastic over the radiation field and use tape to adhere it to me and to the table. The machine moves about 90* to my right side for my first angled dose. For about 15 seconds the radiation travels over my right breast and into my left, exiting through my side, skimming the lymph nodes under my arm. Then the machine moves 180* over me until it settles on the opposite side. I get tw
o doses from the left. The first lasts about ten seconds and the second is about 30. In addition to the bolus, my techs insert an angled metal plate into the machine for the last dose that accounts for the curvature of my body. 
Dr. Gemmel used the initial CT scan to determine the curvature to exacting standards. Bolus Day is a little tougher on my skin as the radiation hits closer to my epidermis, but that is to ensure that some radical cancer cell doesn't present itself as a skin lesion in the future.
Today was my 22nd treatment, six more to go. As I near the end of this last big hurdle I am starting to address some of the emotional issues that arise with a cancer diagnosis and treatment. I've joined a support group for young women and will attend for the first time tomorrow evening. It was started by a young woman named Katie Burke who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 23. Unable to find a group that addressed the needs of younger women she started one herself with the help of the wife of a local oncologist. While I'm not in my twenties, I'm still considered young by my doctor's standards...by a few years anyway. Ha! I guess I'll take that. I look forward to meeting women who are traveling this road and finding their way towards some sense of peace. At least that's how I envision this process...I've had to make peace with the fact that my body betrayed me and, despite everything I'm doing, could do so again. But part of making peace is letting go and finding happiness and joy in the small, everyday moments that make up our lives. Granted doing the laundry and cleaning the toilets are not the high point of my day, but they are no longer the low point either. Perspective is a gift and I hope I have it for a while yet...it's raining like a son of a gun but I'm happy as can be! Good night all...day 23 tomorrow and counting!
2 comments:
Tracy, When you are finished with your recovery and you are ready to enter the next phase of life, I think you should pursue a career as a writer/photojournalist! Seriously. You are very talented and able to express your feelings with beautiful "word pictures"--Sending you healing thoughts to get you through the last of the radiation treatments. -Jamie
Thank you so much Jamie...sharing my experience has been very therapeutic and I appreciate everyone's willingness to come along for the ride.
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